What I Learnt After Losing Multiple Babies—Part 1
Hey, it’s Chelsea—I’m the co-founder of Looni.
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A version of this story appeared in Vogue in February— however I wanted to share a more personal version with our Looni community.
🏰 STORY
On August 13th 2021, according to my pregnancy app, I was eight weeks and two days pregnant and my baby was the size of a small kidney bean. Since my positive pregnancy test I’d been obsessively checking my two different pregnancy apps multiple times a day, with mixed feelings of excitement and anxiety. As someone who suffers from endo(metriosis) and epilepsy, I feel acutely aware of how the physical body can fail you when you’re least expecting it, so from the get-go I was convinced that something would go wrong . . . although as I’d desperately wanted a baby for at least three years, it was hard not to feel immensely overjoyed.
Throughout my pregnancy I’d been bleeding, lightly at first but it had seemingly increased in the days leading up to my scheduled scan; from what I could gather online and through asking a close friend, this was often a normal symptom during the first trimester, but could also be a sign of something more serious. Intuitively (and as someone who considers themselves somewhat spiritual, intuition counts for a lot) I felt like something wasn’t right, so after some back and forth on August 13th (the day before my scan) my boyfriend marched me down to the emergency room to check that all was ok. After much waiting, I finally got to see a doctor who checked my vitals, asked me a few questions, and told me there was no sonographer on duty but as everything seemed fine, I should go home, relax, and wait until my scan the following day. I asked him if I could be having something like an ectopic, but he assured me “we would know if that was the case as you’d be seriously unwell.”
At 2pm on August 14th, I looked down at my belly as the sonographer began to apply a thick layer of jelly to it. I eagerly watched at the screen as I waited to see a glimmer of my baby’s heartbeat and a glimpse of its little life.
After what felt like a lifetime of desperately staring at the sonographer’s eyes, she paused and finally said
“I’m afraid this is an ectopic pregnancy”.
She showed me the heartbeat on the screen and said “here is the heartbeat but we need to get you to hospital ASAP, if this ruptures it can be fatal”; my heart began to sink . . . as she continued . . . “this is not about saving your baby’s life, it’s about saving your life”. Within two hours I was being rushed into emergency surgery to have my entire right fallopian tube removed. I was kept in hospital for a couple of days post-surgery and offered a burial or a cremation for the fetus with the other lost babies. I chose the latter.
It took some time to recover emotionally and physically from the surgery, there was pain and more blood than I’d ever seen leave my body—I was advised to give my body some time to heal. I waited for two menstrual cycles before starting to try again.
I’d never imagined I’d be that girl who was so desperate for a baby, but there I was tracking my ovulation every day, praying that I’d find myself pregnant again soon.
And just like that, there I was on December 23rd bursting with joy as I clutched yet another positive pregnancy test, dumbfounded that it had happened so quickly, especially given that I not only had endo, but also now only one fallopian tube . . .
[end of Part One]
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🩺 SCIENCE AND SPIRIT 👁️
🧑⚕️ from Looni’s medical adviser, Dr Stephanie Colantonio
Pregnancy loss is not uncommon, although we rarely speak about it openly. In folks who know they are pregnant, a miscarriage will occur an average of 15% of conceptions, with significant variability based on age1. In reality, this percentage is higher given that we don't know how many unknown pregnancies end in early miscarriage. Studies estimate that only 1/3 of conceptions result in live birth23.
An ectopic pregnancy is when an embryo implants outside of the uterus, typically in the oviduct (aka fallopian tube) and less commonly in other parts of the pelvic cavity. It is more rare than a miscarriage, occurring in only about 1.6% of conceptions. Ectopic pregnancies cannot survive. Most of the time they get reabsorbed by the body. However if they continue to grow and go untreated, they can be dangerous and even deadly to the parent.
🪄 SOOTHE 🔮
🌱 A warm herbal infusion of rose or linden flower is very healing to the heart during a pregnancy loss. Herbs like red raspberry or hibiscus will also support the womb. Perhaps sip on a tea and get cozy with a hot water bottle to calm any cramping or pain.
Thank you for being here. Save our number 888-MY-LOONI (888-69-56664) and when that pain / PMS hits, or you just feel like chatting, send us a text and we’ll give you some Looni feelings 🌘
Until next time,
Chelsea and Tatiana x
Co-founders of Looni
📚 SOURCES
Nybo Andersen AM, Wohlfahrt J, Christens P, Olsen J, Melbye M: Maternal age and fetal loss: population based register linkage study. BMJ. 2000, 320: 1708-1712.
Wang X, Chen C, Wang L, Chen D, Guang W, French J: Conception, early pregnancy loss, and time to clinical pregnancy: a population-based prospective study. Fertil Steril. 2003, 79: 577-584.
Zinaman MJ, Clegg ED, Brown CC, O’Connor J, Selevan SG: Estimates of human fertility and pregnancy loss. Fertil Steril. 1996, 65: 503-509.